Because unfortunately it seems to be socially unacceptable to arrive to work in more than just a pair of bad mom jeans, a frumpy shirt, and no makeup, I find it necessary to apologize for the error of my ways. I most certainly did not mean to offend with my blue and white color blocked dress paired with a chunky grey belt, or even with the slim jean jacket I wore over it, my brown wedged peep-toe sandals, or the colorful broach inspired necklace that in my opinion made the whole outfit pop. Thank goodness you didn't spot my Fossil tote bag with it's vintage inspired print. It could have quite possibly upset you to the point of filing a formal complaint with your cube mate. The color alone would have no doubt overpowered your drab and dull outfit to the point that chaos could have easily erupted in the office. Please accept my deepest apologies for causing such distress.
I was completely unaware that my appearance was being so closely watched, let alone critiqued. Oh, and don't worry, I will notify the runway model that is no doubt looking for her necklace. I didn't realize it was an accessory deemed only worthy for the catwalk. Thank you for pointing that out. It was also too kind of you to express your concern over my ability to make sure I am able to un-jam the copier in any given outfit that I wear. I honestly didn't realize that first, "Copier Un-jammer" was my official title, and second, that it would be unfeasible for me to do so in a skirt. I'm really glad we straightened that out before we had a copy machine fiasco.
Most importantly, thank you for asking me what I would do if I spilled coffee on my outfit. Coffee is truly critical to my existence, and I honestly don't know what I would do if I were to experience a moment of klutziness and drip java juice on my clothes. FYI...in case you weren't aware, I've heard laundry detergent and stain remover make wonderful additions to any laundry room. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the security department has classic "me" footage of my latest coffee spill as I entered the revolving door at work last month. You really should check it out as it is sure to give you a hearty laugh.
Sadly, though, I must tell you that I have become set in my ways and I quite dislike being bullied into conforming. (I can be a bit stubborn like that.) I think I will gladly forgo my membership to the Frumpy Mom Jeans Club and continue to, as you put it, "dress up" for work. I hope you can understand. It's me, not you. I do promise to wear something a bit more fashionably daring tomorrow to see if I can cause yet another stir. I quite like this.
With all due insincerity,
Your co-worker who jams the copy machine
PS...thanks for the inspiration for the new blog. Hope you follow.
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